brianfending.com

So I spent this weekend mostly in bed recovering from the flu. It started Friday night juuuuust as I was pulling into my driveway. Enough said there. Saturday was spent sleeping off the 101.9F fever (38.8C for my friends from sensible countries such as Canada) and eating's Rachel homemade (right down to the STOCK) chicken soup with matzo balls. Never mind the fact that she was just recovering from her full-out bout with this on Thursday. She's a powerhouse, that woman of mine. My recovery was quick in flu terms.

Influenza, historically speaking, is a fascinating subject and I took a couple of undergrad classes that had it as an important focus. Needless to say (wait for it...), I love talking about what we as agents for our health & well-being can do to avoid it. First among these things is to never marry someone who will get the flu or at least find someone who can make you soup while in recovery herself. Hard to forecast, but solid advice. I can go on and on about "Who should get the flu shot?" or stupid statements like "I'm getting the flu shot this year because they said it's going to be really, really bad." Tremendous. Maybe we can take some of that banter to the comments.

There was a lot of buzz a couple of years ago about an Avian Flu strain - the feared "H5N1" - and it resurfaces now and again in the popular media. This is usually when the CDC or WHO or some government agency somewhere find a dead crow with a strain of the flu that hasn't quite crossed over to the human population. At the height of this, I answered a want ad in the Chicago Tribune that I received in some email from a job site (probably because the response address was in my hometown of Buffalo, NY):

Writer (freelance)
To write self-help manual on subject of how one's family, business, and other interests can survive the bird flu pandemic. Submit proposed table of contents, time to complete and fee to:

No, seriously. Well, somewhat seriously. I quoted an insanely high figure to write it, and was asked to provide a sample table of contents in support of my bid for writing the guide. I didn't get the work, but MAN did I want to write it. I thought my piece would be an obvious choice for the editors... if they liked Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim. Looking back, it may as well have been written by David Sedaris' younger cousin Rodney trying to squeeze some money out of the family name any way he could. I was just doing it without the family name.

In the spirit of my recovery from this illness, and just so you'll believe that I actually wrote this proposal, here's the full text of the cover letter:

Friday, 2 June 2006

Re: Web CB209768

Dear Sir or Madam:

I recently saw your Chicago Tribune call for proposals for a bird flu pandemic self-help manual, a subject in which I take great interest and have studied in great detail. Please find enclosed a proposed table of contents for what I estimate to be a work of 75 pages. A more detailed table of contents is available upon request.

A first draft can be ready for editorial review approximately 20 days from the date of commission. My fee for producing substantive content this manual, including responses to author queries and final proof review, would be $[edit].

Thank you for your time and I hope to hear from you soon.

And here, the piece they resisted:

Bird Flu: A Guide to Preparing For and Surviving the Coming Pandemic

I. A brief history of pandemics
A. Plagues and other wide-spread illness
B. Influenza in the American colonies
C. Dateline: 1918
D. Global commerce and the spread of disease
E. Avian (bird) flu

II. Preparing your home
A. Assess your exposures
B. Stock up
C. Educate your family

III. Bracing your business
A. You are your own best insurance
B. Keep your workforce healthy
C. Your supply chain: A chink in the armor
D. Profitability in spite of global isolation

IV. Protecting your other interests
A. Protect your assets
B. Stay healthy and sane
C. There's no such thing as "too cautious"

V. "H5N1-Day" : The pandemic is a reality
A. Still go into the world and come back virus-free
B. Strangers in need
C. Animal safety

VI. The aftermath
A. Resuming your life
B. Helping others pick up the pieces
C. Staying prepared

APPENDIX I. CHECKLISTS

APPENDIX II. RESOURCES

Appendices? Yes, appendices. I was fully prepared to write this, too. Maybe someday I will. Maybe, someday, I will.

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