"Wow, those pants make you look waaaay less fat."
That, my friends, is a left-handed compliment.
Similarly, there are other left-handed things in the world, like - as I discovered - the left-handed goodbye: "You know, I really get people. You've been really helpful - you remind me of my brother. We're all excited to pick him up at the airport on day one, days two-three-four we wonder when he's going to leave, then day five comes and he's nice again."
This is also known as a "right-handed slap in the face" and will, if you say it loud enough in a dark place, result in your death. Just a word to the left-handed everywhere.
[Son of a...]
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