Some of the best Tuesday humor out there: Coming to Alderaan
Okay, so this is probably the funniest four minutes of “I got waaay too much time on my hands” I’ve seen in a long, long time.
Setting Up Shop
It’s a little insane how cluttered my desk has become (at home) over the course of nine months. I say nine months because that’s honestly the last time I chose to work into the evening from home at my desk, instead favoring the companionship of my wife who, you know, I hadn’t see all day. There are a handful of seldom-used peripherals, three inboxes (mistake # 1…), my personal laptop+monitor setup (soon to be supplanted by a different laptop+monitor combo), three dozen or so reference books, and roughly 4,000 piles of paper. I really do like order 98% of the time, it’s just that THIS disorder accumulated during the other 2% of the time… and I’ve never been here enough to effectively counter it. With the prospect of facing it - and the wrath of my my wife - every day, I’m tackling it. Today.
Anyway, as I sift through enough to make FEMA consider it a training exercise, I have the following approach, which I hope & pray will work:
- Get rid of the paper - filing, shredding, etc
- Get rid of (or hide) the peripherals as I can
- Downsize the reference collection - this ain’t a library, folks
- Start using laptop stand(s)
- Recycle the two years of This Old House that patiently waited for me to find time to sift through pull out project and materials ideas
I’ll update as I go… If you don’t hear back, please call FEMA after all.
Left-Handedness
“Wow, those pants make you look waaaay less fat.”
That, my friends, is a left-handed compliment.
Similarly, there are other left-handed things in the world, like - as I discovered - the left-handed goodbye: “You know, I really get people. You’ve been really helpful - you remind me of my brother. We’re all excited to pick him up at the airport on day one, days two-three-four we wonder when he’s going to leave, then day five comes and he’s nice again.”
This is also known as a “right-handed slap in the face” and will, if you say it loud enough in a dark place, result in your death. Just a word to the left-handed everywhere.
[Son of a...]
Wireless NAS, Baby Eye Glue, Hefeweizen, and related tales
This was one action-packed weekend, with excitement ranging from geeky to terrified-parent and back to geekdom all before 12:30pm.
Wireless NAS
I picked up a network attached storage (NAS) device this week, and implemented it Friday night into Saturday morning. The revolutionary part (for me, anyway), is that it’s only physically attached to my wireless router… by an ethernet cable. What this means is that I have an energy-efficient device (using “green” 500GB drives in each drive enclosure bay) for storing all of our music, movies, and pictures, along with automated backups of our laptops.
Baby Eye Glue
Around the time that my iTunes library was finishing its migration, I was cleaning up in the kitchen and getting ready to take Norah (age: 19 months) for a little toddler walk around the block. The phone rang, so I answered while Norah tooled around and watched some of the construction across the street from the couch at the front window. The coffee table next to the couch was, apparently, too close. She slipped on a pillow, I’m pretty sure, and toppled face first. In short, the proclamation of “TRACTOR!” followed by “<BIFF>” was then followed by a trip to the ER at Childrens’ Hospital in Buffalo.
Did you know that not only prize fighters use glue these days? As opposed to stitches on her left eyelid (yes: eyelid… 1/2in across and 1/8in spread), a medical-grade adhesive was used. The details of its application much to Norah’s terror and fast emotional recovery will be family lore for ages.
Sitting in the last treatment room in the hallway right next to the ambulance arrival door, we felt lucky to have gotten off so easily. A couple of hours after arriving, we strolled out of there making promises of ice cream, and quickly (though not as quickly as we’d gone in the other direction - Rachel is now a Double-0-certified emergency driver) went home for nap time.
Hefeweizen
As nap time expired without a lot of sleeping, Yvonne & Gene arrived for the brewing of a Hefeweizen, currently fermenting in a large, sealed food-grade bucket at my house. It was one long process. The longest brew time I’ve ever done, and everybody pitched in A LOT to make it happen. I’ll do a dedicated post on the subject soon with all of the steps taken and problems encountered, but probably only after we’ve done the bottling and are waiting a few long weeks for the results. Needless to say, it’s nice to brew with another hack who is into doing variations on a theme to produce a truly unique product. (Thanks, Gene!)
Wedding Karaoke: The Final Frontier
Rachel and I attended a wedding at bar this weekend. Not the usual kind of bar wedding we attend - no hogs parked outside or tequila drinking contests involving the bride - but a rather nice affair. There were cab rides home at the end of the night stemming from the in-house microbrews and generous Sapphire & tonics, and nobody’s car was stolen while sleeping off the festivities. The food was quite possibly the best buffet ever spread at a wedding, and I can honestly say that I had good friends old and new to talk to all night. It was awesome on many levels.
But this, my friends, is not the primary reason for today’s entry. Scheduled for 9pm that evening was a Karaoke Hour. The news spread far and wide and my closest friends first thought of me and tales of the LAST wedding karaoke at which I stepped up, belting out - respectably, I might add - Ring of Fire. I was notified, I made preparations. I had committed to singing this song. It was my tribute to the happily married couple, the song of course being the June Carter ballad that Cash (with Carter Family Singers) took to new mariachi heights.
DJ to crowd: “Okay, Karaoke time is appraching. I’ll need about 21 people to fill the hour… at least 15…” (I didn’t understand this part.)
Me to bar-neighbor: “Well, time to finish this and go sign…”
DJ: “You know… Johnny Cash wouldn’t be appropriate, but anything else…”
Me: “[sigh]“
Was this a coincidence? Had the excited communications about Ring of Fire made their way to somebody in charge of such things as Karaoke Hour??? To my discredit (or not), I did not pursue. This was a wedding, after all, and the new couple deserved whatever time they wished to have. But damn.
After that, some arrangements for a minivan-cab were being made, and we had a timeframe to work within. Drinks were finished, belonging were found, goodbyes were said… The song playing the last time I walked past the Karaoke Hour stage? Jay-Z’s 99 Problems. If “I got 99 problem but a bitch ain’t one…” is an appropriate tribute, but “Love is a burnin’ thing… It makes a firey ring…” isn’t, then I give up. I may as have been intending to sing Cocaine Blues.
In any case, World, you are on notice: Expect a Ring of Fire when this Wedding Karaoke concept is revisited. It is, after all, the only song that celebrates my limited vocal range.
